SNATCHED: Like The Ceiling Can’t Hold Us

The last two weeks have been really, ridiculously difficult for me. I struggle with post-event let-down in my life a lot, methinks. Day after Christmas. Day after half-marathon. Two weeks post-Snatched has been no exception. 

For the last two weeks, I’ve sorta gone off the deep end. My MFF membership didn’t begin until July 1, which gave me a week off of working out (probably a good choice as I was having some hip issues). Also, I worked this crazy food expo at the Javits Center for three days (where I could literally eat ALL of the chocolate and cheese from every corner of the globe. ALL OF IT.) Anyway, suffice it to say that I’ve been feeling like a fattyfattynofriends and having a lot of food guilt. Just as I was about to order myself a pizza and settle into a evening of feeling sorry for myself, my OFFICIAL SNATCHED BEFORE AND AFTER PICTURES arrived via email. 

I was scared to open them. What if they were disappointing? 

You guys. I opened them and my mood immediately changed. I didn’t order a pizza or eat all of the food in my entire apartment or go for my SECOND fro-yo of the day. [Though, to be honest, fro-yo is necessary during this weather. It’s not really a question of health and hotness, just survival.] I was re-inspired by all of my hard work. 

This journey has been an amazing one. I can’t wait to see where I am a year from now. I am so happy to have a new family of crazy, wonderful, loving, inappropriate, ridiculous human beings. 

Anyway, I leave you with my final round of measurements, my official Snatched testimonial, and the anxiously anticipated BEFORE AND AFTER PICTURES! [Also: WHAT was I thinking when I picked my outfit on the first day?! White sports bra!? Shiny blue shorts!? UGH!]

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I started Snatched with two goals: to be on Broadway and to be the most fuckable person in New York City. I mean, that’s not asking too much, right? I could just imagine it:

As I exit the Clubhouse after my final Snatched class, I see a line of potential suitors trailing up Ninth Avenue. Some are offering me roses. Others are shirtless [thankyousomuch]. Maybe one or two are strumming their guitars, humming the song they wrote for me. But I can’t be bothered with any of them because Bernie Telsey is TOTALLY blowing up my phone!

[Insert record scratch]

In reality, my Snatched journey was so much more than I ever could have dreamed. While I DO believe that I am firmly on the Broadway/fuckability path, I’ve had the opportunity to confront the question of WHY I don’t **already** feel worthy of these things. The out-pouring of love, encouragement, and triumph from everyone on the MFF team is beyond comparison. Everyday, I was inundated with the message that my goals and dreams are worthy and noble, and I am deserving of attaining them (and more!).

The idea of self-love permeates every moment of Snatched: we choose to attend class because we love ourselves enough to make it a priority; we choose to make healthy food choices because they serve our overall health and hotness goals; we choose to be kind to ourselves because that’s how we get better. When we stumble, there are countless hands to help pick us up. Every time I sent Mark an email that I judged as completely, totally, and utterly neurotic and ridiculous, he responded with compassion, wisdom, and tenderness.

Now that Snatched is over, I know my journey has only just begun. I can’t believe the remarkable changes I’ve experienced in six short weeks [even BEYOND the expected physical improvements]. Instead of dreading the torture of a lonesome hour-long treadmill workout, I can’t wait to go to class. The feeling of accomplishment after PR-ing on my deadlift is invigorating. My relationship with food has been flipped on its head. I cook! I wash my dishes! I drink insane amounts of water!  I can stick to a budget because I’m not hemorrhaging all my dollars on delivery.com!

If you are thinking about giving Snatched a try, I implore you: DO IT! You absolutely will not regret it. Your life can only get better when you choose to spend six weeks making yourself, your dreams, and your future your number one priority.

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Just The Tip

When I was young, my grandparents lived in a complex with a community pool. My mom and I would often go and visit them on Saturdays. We would swim, eat dinner, play a few games of Sorry! and double solitaire, and have strawberries dipped in sugar for breakfast. It was like a mini vacation for me [probably even moreso for my hard-working single mother!]. 

One ridiculously hot summer day [I think I was about 9], my grandfather walked me over to the pool. I couldn’t wait to dive in. As soon as we arrived, he realized that he had left something at home. [I would bet $5 that it was probably his styrofoam cup filled with mixed nuts OR a Diet Caffeine Free Pepsi in a coozi. He was a quirky guy, and memories of him still bring a huge smile to my face.] He told me that I could wait at the pool for him, put my feet in the water, but under NO circumstances was I actually allowed to get in without him present. 

I sat on the ledge of the pool, beads of sweat trickling down my back, with my feet dangling in the cool water.

He left. 

I inched my way over to the steps. Feet in the water somehow turned into me sitting on the first step. 

The minutes crawled on. 

I moved down to the second step, with my body submerged from just below the shoulders. 

I just couldn’t resist any longer. 

I dunked my head under the water and re-surfaced to find a very angry grandfather re-entering the pool area. 

HONESTLY, WHAT was I thinking?! I mean… Once you’ve gotten your hair wet, you can’t really disguise the fact that you’ve taken the plunge [literally]. 

[In my defense: I was a REALLY good swimmer and on the swim team… I wasn’t scared of drowning or anything like that. I was apparently, also, a disobedient child.]

I think this is something that I constantly deal with in my life. I’m not really a “just the tip” sorta gal. I’m more “All ‘Er Nothin'” like Ado Annie. It pretty much permeates all aspects of my existence: love, fitness, sex, alcohol, fun, career, food. I’m all “Go Big or Go Home” and no “Everything in Moderation”. I think that’s why I was SO attracted to Snatched. For 6 weeks, I would just be BALLS TO THE WALL! 

But, that’s a hard life to live. Eventually you burn out. [There’s a reason why Snatched is ONLY six weeks.]

Recently, I was talking to my therapist and I told her that I am unhealthily addicted to my phone. To be honest, this isn’t that surprising in 2013. Sometimes when I’m out with my friends, I’ll notice that everyone has their face buried in a glowing screen, not interacting with any of the people they are with. I’ll pull mine out and announce, “Oh! I didn’t realize it was phone time!” and then gladly check email, Facebook, and Instagram. And then probably email again. 

The problem for me, however, is that in pretty much ALL situations, I am just waiting for my life to be revealed to me via my telephone. I just KNOW that my future is going to come to me in a job offer by email. Someone that I am interested in is going to text me. The phone will ring and then my life will begin. I check it incessantly. When I worked at a restaurant, I stored it in my bra [that is until I became convinced it was sending cancer straight to my boobs].

So while I’m waiting for life to get my digits and reach me via cellular device, I’m just not actually living. I’m just waiting. There are VERY FEW instances when I don’t feel the need to constantly check my phone. They include while I am at therapy, working out, and sleeping. [And that is ACTUALLY sleeping. I have to REALLY fight the urge to check my phone when I wake up to pee… And I only do that because I’ve been told that the glowing screen overstimulates the brain and it becomes harder to fall back asleep]. 

I thought about just disconnecting from EVERYTHING – internet, phone, Facebook – for a week and seeing how that went. But, there were so many logistical issues – work, friends, emergencies, whatever. And, though I’m NOT a ‘just the tip’ sorta gal in practice, in theory I DO believe that moderation is the key. 

So, I scratched the complete disconnection idea for a new one. There’s only one rule to my new approach to my phone. 

When I’m in a social situation, I’m not allowed to look at it. 

That’s all. 

I experimented with it yesterday. I had coffee with a friend and I went to a birthday party. It was at times both excruciating and exhilarating. But I felt like I was truly able to be present. ACTUALLY present. At the birthday party, there was an awesome band playing. [Side note: I am going to learn to play the guitar. It’s going to happen, 2013. Mark my words.] At one point, I looked around the room and I counted about half a dozen people with their noses buried in various glowing screens. Now, the purpose of this new life rule is NOT to make me a smug asshole with a superiority complex. No. However, I find it interesting that it’s just NORMAL to be “watching” a band in a bar, while completely isolating yourself with your electronic device. Believe me, 24 hours prior, *I* would have been one of those nose-buriers. 

And, lest you think karma is just letting me escape the MODICUM of judgment I passed, as I left the bar, I [obviously] pulled out my phone and began responding to a work email as I walked down the street. A man [who I could see in my peripheral vision as I am VERY EXPERIENCED at walking-while-operating-my-cellular-device] SCREAMED at me “STOP LOOKING AT YOUR PHONE! PAY ATTENTION WHILE YOU WALK!”

Listen, sir. I’m working on it. 

Snatched: If All The Raindrops Were Lemon Drops And Gumdrops (Week 5)

I started Snatched thinking that it was going to totally revamp my approach to working out. There would be kettlebells and pushups and deadlifts, oh my! I knew that the diet would be a struggle, but the workouts! Oh! The workouts would be the bread and butter!

You guys. 

I was wrong. [No surprise.]

Now, don’t get me wrong. The workouts are amazing. They are ridiculously fun. I’ve NEVER enjoyed group classes. I’ve always gotten much more satisfaction out of torturing myself on the treadmill. Every group fitness class I’ve ever taken has always left me feeling like I could have accomplished more on my own. 

This is not so anymore. On the days when I arrive feeling weak, sluggish, tired, or unmotivated, I become energized and invigorated by the people around me and the amazing instructors. The classes are thebomb.com. Sure, they kick my ass. I leave an inviting pool of sweat on my mat for the next poor soul [not really… I mop it up, of course!]. I feel like I’ve really DONE something at the end of class. 

Today, after a particularly grueling session, I had this conversation with a friend. 

Me: God! That class was impossible!

Her: It wasn’t impossible! You did it! You finished it!

SHE IS TOTALLY RIGHT!

However. 

The food aspect of this whole thing? THAT is where I’m working through some major shit. I feel like I’m just beginning to scratch the surface, but I can tell you this: I have a fucked up relationship with food (and, by extension, drink). It’s a punishing, omni-present, self-abuse that spans the majority of my life (at least since high school). I don’t really have a whole lot of insight here, but I feel like my eyes are being opened. Maybe someday I’ll have some clarity. For now, I have my Snatched community and my therapist [thank god]. 

So, I’m trying to learn from the process. Some days are easier than others. Sometimes I eat an entire box of Fiber One in one sitting. Some days I’m overwhelmed by ALL of the food I have to consume at dinner time. Every day, I’m learning. 

This week, I don’t have much to report. I’m bloated, so my weight is higher than last week. Oh well. I’m not going to beat myself up about it. I don’t really think you can tell in the pictures, and at the end of the day, only *I* know what the scale says [well… except for the fact that I report it to you… but… I could lie and you wouldn’t know. You know what can’t lie? The pictures. Cause I don’t know how to use photoshop.]

So here we go. 

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Week 1 || Week 5

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Week 1 || Week 5

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Week 1 || Week 5

Snatched: Just Don’t Give Up, I Am Workin’ It Out (Week 4)

So, after VOWING that I would not beat myself up for last week’s indiscretions, I did exactly that. Though I continued to work out and stick to my diet, I had a pesky voice in the back of my head that kept nagging me with thoughts like:

“You would be much more on track if you hadn’t fucked it all up on Memorial Day Weekend.”

AND

“No matter how good your results are, just know that they would have been better if you hadn’t fallen so far off the wagon.”

AND

“You are pretty much starting all over now. I hope you are happy with how you just threw two weeks’ worth of money and time down the drain.”

You guys. If it isn’t already abundantly clear, I am RIDICULOUSLY hard on myself.

HOWEVER, in the past, I would have taken that nagging, pesky voice as my cue to go down to the bodega on the ground floor of my building and buy myself some Reeses.

I DIDN’T DO THAT! Victory!

Maybe one of these days, I will learn to quiet the voices in my head. It’s all a process. I’m sure that when I step on the scale on the final day of Snatched, I will still think that the results COULD have been better if I hadn’t gone so over-board at the wedding. BUT I will try and silence that thought by reminding myself that things also could have been worse if I had let a few trips ruin the whole experience. Baby steps, here, people!

This past week (Week 3) is a notoriously difficult one for Snatched – results aren’t coming fast enough AND you really want a cupcake. I thought I was going to escape the Week 3 Wall because I sorta felt like I was starting over. Not so. By the time Sunday came along, I was dreaming about cupcakes with chocolate frosting. But I’ve resisted! Hooray!

Tonight is a very dear friend’s birthday dinner. We are going to a Mexican restaurant, and I think I might have a skinny margarita. I’ve entered all of the information into myfitnesspal, and though I WON’T hit my protein goal for the day, I will still nail my calories. We have to make sustainable life choices through this process. So, I think I’ll splurge on a single margarita and bask in the glow of being surrounded by my bosom buddies.

So. Here are the numbers and pictures. I’m pretty inspired, if I do say so myself!

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Week 1 || Week 4

 

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Week 1 || Week 4

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Week 1 || Week 4

I am having such an amazing time throughout this process. I’ve learned a lot about myself and my ability to really tackle something when I set my mind to it. I’ve had FUN in class. [When I’ve had to work out on my own, I’ve been bored out of my mind. Today I picked up membership materials for MFF in preparation for life after Snatched. I need to start saving my pennies!] Everyone who is a part of this journey is so encouraging and inspiring and wonderful – I’m doing my best to get out of my own way and love the ride.

Also, I’m really thankful for:

1. The ability to type anything you want converted into google. For instance… you can just type: “.75 lbs = grams” and it will tell you that .75 pounds is 340.194 grams! You have NO IDEA how helpful this is when you are weighing and measuring and converting and planning all of your food. I do this at least a dozen times a day.

2. This song. I just love it so much, and we usually hear it at some point in every class. I love, love, love it.

Three more weeks!

I can do this!

#boopBOOP

Snatched: Just Live Your Life (Week 3)

I contemplated just skipping this week/post all together and resuming next week. But that wouldn’t be honest now, would it?

I’m going to tell you this: I spent Memorial Day Weekend pretending that I had never even heard of Snatched. 

Yes, it was that bad. 

I ate bagels. I drank champagne. Oh so much champagne. There was pasta. I didn’t count calories. I didn’t meet any protein goals. 

I failed. 

But you know what? This process is a journey. And so I’m going to provide my update anyway. And I’m going to not dwell on my supposed “failure”. Instead, I’m going to pat myself on the back for getting back on track on Monday. [This is sort of a mini update cause I don’t think that posting pictures would be all that enlightening, and I didn’t really take any measurements.]

On Friday, I weighed 147.2 (a total of 2.5 pounds lost in less than two weeks! Hooray!).

On Monday, I weighed 151.6. Yes, that is MORE than my starting weight. (CRINGE!)

As of today, I am almost back to my Friday weight. 

The reason for my transgression? I got to see my beautiful cousin get married. And you know what? It was worth it. The wedding was absolutely gorgeous. The couple was so happy. The speeches were heart warming. I got to spend wonderful time with my amazing family. The event was just joyful all around.

And I’m not going to beat myself up about it, cause I told myself I wasn’t doing that anymore. You just have to live your life. The end. 

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Jen, Pam, and Me at the rehearsal dinner
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PAMMY LIVING LIFE!

Snatched: Ya Gotta Have Faith (Week 2)

I finished Week 1! It’s been an exercise in, um, letting go. I signed up for Snatched because I was so blown away by the consistently amazing results. So, when I’ve had the urge to add additional gym time to my week or eat fewer calories than I’m required to, I’ve (mostly) resisted. If it worked for other people, I just have to trust the program and know that it will work for me, too.

That is REALLY hard for me. REALLY.

But I’m resisting the urge to do what feels comfortable and familiar, because… well… I wouldn’t need to be in Snatched if what was comfortable and familiar gave me the results I wanted.

This past week, the following items have been lifesavers:

1. Kitchen Scissors – When I was little, I remember my best friend’s mom using her kitchen scissors to cut up meat, and I was totally skeeved out by it. The thought of cutting meat with scissors made me really uncomfortable. I’m not really sure why. Now, I can’t live without the scissors! The knife set in my kitchen cost me $30 at Bed Bath and Beyond. There are 12 knives in the set. That indicates the quality of the knives. The scissors have made food prep SO much easier, especially when I’m cooking massive amounts of protein [like two pounds of bacon or a pound of chicken] to prep for the week.

2. Tupperware-ish Containers – My fridge/freezer are loaded with pre-made meals. They are all already measured out and ready to be heated up. Every morning, I eat this sweet potato, turkey bacon, cheese frittata that I am OBSESSED with. I want to eat it for every meal. It’s so nice to have something SO delicious in the morning that I just have to pop into the microwave. Breakfast is currently my favorite meal of the day. Incidentally, my friend Kristen has put the fear of god in me concerning putting plastic in the microwave. [Apparently it causes cancer, but… what doesn’t these days?] Though I haven’t completely given up the habit, I’ve become more aware. The problem is that if I have the food stored in a plastic container, and I transfer it to another vessel for heating, that creates twice the amount of dishes.

3. Food Scale – My mom bought me a food scale for Christmas a few years ago [it’s The Biggest Loser brand cause I’m addicted to that show], but it’s never gotten as much action as it has the last two weeks. [To be honest, the first time it was ever used was for the purpose of weighing some weed. Thanks, Mom!] It has made a GIGANTIC difference for me and my peace of mind – knowing exactly what I’m eating, and how much.

4. Skillet – It made the frittata. Enough said.

5. Amazing Support – The support has been so wonderful. I got an email from one of the trainers [in response to something super strife-y and angst-ridden that I had sent to her], and she wrote back “You only know how to win!” It really, REALLY struck a chord with me. I turned it into a fourth grade art project and plastered it on my mirror in my room. [I made it with my Pentel markers from the yellow portfolio, which was REALLY fulfilling.]

Win

Ok, so here’s how it’s progressed. In my dream world, I would have lost 6 pounds this week, but… I guess that wasn’t a super realistic dream. Most importantly, I feel like I can see definition beginning to peek through in places that it didn’t exist before [visible ONLY to my hyper-critical eye and no one else’s]. So far as the pictures below go, I don’t see a huge difference in the first two, but I can see a difference in the profile view [maybe I’m just imagining it, but I’m just going to let my imagination run rampant in this scenario].

NumbersWeek2 FrontWeek2Week 1 || Week 2BackWeek2

Week 1 || Week 2

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Week 1 || Week 2

Snatched: Let’s Start At The Very Beginning (Week 1)

Maybe I’m alone here, but I’m OBSESSED with body transformations: The Biggest Loser, 3 Fat Chicks, Mark Fisher Before and After Photos… You get the gist. I’m just really inspired by people’s ability to set a goal and achieve it. So, consequently, I’m going to document my Snatched journey here. If you don’t want to see pictures of me in my bikini with all of my jiggly bits on display, you can just skip this here blog for the next six Mondays.

I took some before photos and measurements this morning, and I’m going to share them here. For someone who is HYPER-critical of her body, I have to say: I didn’t cringe when I saw these. Maybe I’m becoming a little bit more forgiving of myself in my old age. [Or maybe I can just thank the glorious natural light in my living room and somewhat fuzzy Photobooth photos.] Anyway, I want to make this journey a positive one, so I’m going to say this: I’m just excited to see where I will be six weeks from now!

Also, I don’t actually have a starting weight. My scale chose THIS morning to be… ahem… uncooperative.

Side note: I have had my scale [purchased at The Sharper Image] since 2006. I spent way too much money on that scale because I had learned a very valuable lesson my senior year of college. My roommate and I purchased a scale at Target for approximately $5. Every time I stepped on that scale, it read 155 pounds. Imagine my surprise when I graduated, arrived home in California, stepped on my mom’s scale, and it read 171.4! As it turns out, you get what you pay for. And if you want to be in denial, that will only cost you $5. Incidentally, that is the most I have ever weighed in my life, and if I ever, ever start to creep close to that, I know that some changes need to be made [and also, that’s a good indication that I’m in the throes of depression].

Anyway, my scale has been on the fritz for the last year or so. I’m pretty sure it needed a new battery. As I prepared to weigh myself for my pre-Snatched numbers this morning, I decided to investigate this battery issue. [I assure you, my insistence upon investigating the battery issue had NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with the fact that I was displeased with the number on the scale. NOT AT ALL. NO-SIREE-BOB.] Anyway, as I tried to figure out what was wrong with the scale, I broke it. Somehow. Good riddance.

I contemplated NOT buying a new scale, so as to not be a slave to the numbers, but… that just isn’t feasible for me. I’m co-dependent. Also, I’m currently in a DietBet challenge and I need a scale to verify my final numbers. So, I bought a new one. I’ll update my current weight tomorrow morning when I weigh myself.

Ok, so the moment you’ve all been waiting for. [Or, just me.]

The Numbers:

Height – 5’2″
Weight – In the last two weeks, my broken scale has read anywhere between 144.6-151.0. I’m sure these numbers are not to be trusted
Bust – 36.25″
Waist 1 (Natural Waist) – 28.5″
Waist 2 (1 inch below belly button) – 33″
Hips – 40″
[I also took measurements of my thighs, calves, and arms, but I won’t bore you/creep you out with those numbers… Maybe I’ll post them at the very end.]

ImageSnatched Before Photos – May 13, 2013

Anyway, we had our first class today and it was so wonderful. Mark assured us that we would hate him in a mere two weeks, but for now I’m looking forward to more classes this week!