OkCupid: Roses and Chocolates

I have a confession. I have not been yes-ing my way through OkCupid Month of Yes. The reason? These are the sorts of enticing notes cluttering my inbox.

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Cutie! I like your style. Write me back if you want to grab a drink tonight.

-Received from 30YearOldSam at 10:27 pm.

[Do you really think I’m going to come and meet you NOW?!]

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Your star sign is Leo: I think we match! hehehe I am Pisces

[“It’s a match!” proclaims the Target Lady.]

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The red dot is actually a good thing. What is a survival Job? Only repond if you get the same level of attention when you go out as you get messages on OKCupid.

[For those who don’t know, OkCupid gives you a colored dot based on how often you respond to messages. Red = Responds Very Selectively; Yellow = Responds Selectively; Green = Responds Often; Blue = “No one’s contacted him/her this week. Go for it!” (Wanh wanh!)]

[Also… Huh?]

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[You guys. No joke. This was in my inbox. I didn’t realize that OkCupid was the place where MySpace roses went to die.]

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Maybe you’ll be the woman of my dreams, your almost as good looking as me too (Haha!).

[First: Rude. Second: Maybe my grammar skillz will make up for my apparent aesthetic failings.]

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Interesting physique you have.

[Uh. Thanks? Is that a compliment or just an observation?]

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Are you shy?

[What? Were you mid-conversation with someone else and accidentally sent their message to me?]

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Damn you’re a pretty white girl. I have to ask, are you into muscular black men?​

[I mean yes, but… Can’t you just assume I’m interested if I respond to your message? Why’s it gotta be so crass?]

And that, my friends, is a pretty good summation of what’s new in OkCupid land. No wonder I’m sitting in my apartment eating Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Covered Coconut Mango Bites.