OkCupid Month of Yes: Saying NO Is So Much Easier

I chose my OkCupid username for a few reasons:

1. I didn’t want it to contain my REAL name in any way, shape, or form.
2. I didn’t want it to be the same name that I use on *gasp* REAL social-networking sites (twitter, instagram, online poker… jokes).
3. Its origin is from many moons ago when I did a show and I developed a nickname based on one short solo line I had.

I clicked confirm and was happy with my username choice. I started thinking about the 6 things I could never live without and pondering STALE: STEAL as 95467:?????.

Once I completed my profile, I proudly showed it to some close friends. They didn’t remark on how witty my answers were. They didn’t fawn over my meticulously selected photos.

“Uh. That username? That’s sort of… sexually suggestive…”

“WHAT?! NO! It’s NOT!”

And yet. Everyone said the same thing.

I contemplated paying the fee to change it.

“Eh. Fuck it,” I thought to myself, “most people won’t think that. My friends are just sickos.”

Though no suitor has called out the sexually suggestive nature of my username, outright, I often receive messages questioning its origin.

This week was no different.

HockeyLuvr: So what’s your username mean?

Me: Haha… It’s an old nickname that has a long accompanying story. [Goddammit. Maybe I should pay the money to change it.]

HockeyLuvr: And so are you free Wednesday night to tell it? I’ll even buy you a drink or two while you’re at it.


1. You don’t even know what my REAL name is.

2. Maybe I’m reading between the lines here, but it seems that you are insinuating that I can’t afford to buy my own drinks (because I mentioned that I’m an actress in my profile? Don’t worry, sir. I do just fine for myself).

I’m just imagining a lecherous old man, beer spilled down the front of his short-sleeved, pit-stained Oxford button up, “Heh heh heh. Here, little lady. Here’s a Bud Light for your trouble. And if you’re a good little girl tonight, I’ll take you out for some well-done steak tomorrow…”

3. Can’t you even pretend to have game? I mean. It’s electronic. You have opportunities to type, delete, edit, read aloud, ask for input. There is SO MUCH LESS pressure than meeting someone IRL. You could at least try and make it seem like you’ve got SOMETHING to talk about.

If I meet you, don’t worry. I’ll buy my own drink. And the username story? That’s definitely 4th or 5th date material. Sorry, buddy.