Classy and Fabulous

Dear People of the Information Superhighway,

Hello! Welcome to my blog. Take off your coat! Can I get you a drink? I know it’s still a little barren here, but I’ve only just moved in and I’m still trying to get settled. I had grand visions of having a black and white and red theme (or mint and peach and cream) with a lower case cursive header. Sadly, such a theme did not exist in the “Free Themes” section of WordPress. Mama can’t afford to pay for a theme (or a custom design, for that matter). So, we’ll stick with the Twenty Eleven theme until this blog lands me a book deal, sold at all of the Urban Outfitters across the nation. (Kidding. Unless you, whoever you are, DO want to offer me a book deal. Then, I am your writing monkey.)

This is actually my second foray into the blog-o-sphere. My first blog, sadly, led me into a deep, dark pit of despair. It made me sad. Sometimes, I dreaded writing it. Most of the time I didn’t have much of anything to say, save to recount the embarrassing, painful things that had happened in my (recent and ancient) past.

It was about my dating life.

Clearly, I could not continue to blog in such a self-destructive, self-loathing manner.

So, here I am.


As I rang in the new year, I had two horrendous realizations:

  1. I turn 30 this year.
  2. Much to Coco Chanel’s chagrin, I would probably not, in all instances, describe my life as classy and fabulous.

While I can’t really do much of anything about Item 1, I can surely make it less painful (and, dare I say it, extremely enjoyable) by eradicating Item 2. So. I’m just going to focus on being classy and fabulous and watch everything else fall into place. Easy as pie.

I’ve compiled a list of sorts. I’m not going to call them resolutions. They are just suggestions or goals for this year (and beyond, I suppose).

Ideally, I’d like there to be 30 items on this list. So, it’s a work in progress. Like me.

  1. No soda. [This is the only real resolution on this list.] I gave up soda for like 8 months once before, but then I started drinking it again. Not only are all those chemicals pretty gnarly, I can only imagine how much money I throw at Pepsico/CocaCola every year. One 20 ounce bottle of soda per day (~$2) equals $730 per year. WHAT?!?! $730?!? And I guarantee you that my actual expenditure on soda per year was more than that. Just doing that math gives me anxiety. I should probably not even think about the dollars and just focus on not drinking soda. #soda
  2. Finally reach my goal weight. Weight. Boo. This is a boring item. Next!  #body
  3. Run a half marathon (and maybe a marathon?). I’M REGISTERED! I’m going to be running the NYC Half Marathon on March 17 for Think Pink Rocks, a breast cancer charity. My 10 week training program starts on Monday. #run
  4. Make a budget and follow it. I’ll just say it: I’m TERRIBLE with money. Awful. Horrible. I’ve never been on a budget (that explains my credit card bills). Part of this budget is going to include not ever using my credit cards ever, ever again (except for emergencies and flights. And shoes. Wait. No. Not shoes. I think. Unless they’re emergency shoes? This is not going to be easy). #budget
  5. Get called back for The Broadway.  And book it. (I’d be happy with a callback first, though.) #broadway
  6. Book a regional job for the summer. I’d like this for no other reason than the fact that New York is absolutely miserable in August. Miserable. But also, really, because I like to act for dollars, much more than I like to do anything else for dollars (uh… like wait tables, you dirty!). And really, I would even act NOT for dollars except that I have this thing about shoes… #summer
  7. Go to Europe (London and Paris). I haven’t been since I studied abroad in 2003 and that is absolutely unacceptable. #europe
  8. Drink less. I’m going to be 30, not 21. My liver and I have had some raucous adventures. It’s time to simmmah down now. (I’m kicking off this initiative with a sober January. Rough.) #temperance
  9. No more drunk texts. If we’re being completely honest here, drunk texts are probably the sole reason that Number 8 of this list exists. That’s all I’m going to say about that. #texting
  10. Cook more. I have enough points to get a Snuggie. Shameful. I could probably count on one hand the number of actual, non-frozen meals I have prepared for myself in my apartment. That’s pathetic. And also expensive. (I’m not even going to attempt to do the math on food like I did on soda. The money I’ve spent to have someone else make me mediocre chicken pesto paninis and walk them up six flights of stairs to my door is abhorrent.) #cook
  11. Leave the apartment looking like someone loves me. Sometimes I leave my apartment with greasy hair, mismatched clothes, no jacket, and no mascara. People think I’m 12 or I’m homeless. Not really, but I look like I don’t give a shit. Some people can rock that look. I, unfortunately, am not one of those people. #ifeelpretty
  12. Be kind. To others and self. Duh. #kind
  13. Volunteer. Most of the time, I lead a pretty selfish existence. (What do you want from me? I’m a single 20-something living in Manhattan.) Anyway, it’s time for me to think of someone (or something) other than myself. I’m going to volunteer at a no-kill animal shelter (cause we can’t have pets in our building and my roommate doesn’t like animals anyway. So, maybe this isn’t as selfless as I’d hoped. Oh well. I’ll still be volunteering, and that’s what counts!) #volunteer
  14. Get a tattoo. It’s happening. I know what and where. I just have to build up the courage. And the funds. #tattoo
  15. Learn to cook proteins. I can’t cook proteins at all. When I cook chicken, it (no fail) has this weird white film all around it. Gross. Once, I bought rack of lamb at Whole Foods (uh – that shit is EXPENSIVE) and I followed a recipe and… well… I should have just gone out for it. #protein
  16. Learn to make French macaroons. They are just so delicious. And so ridiculously expensive. I bet I could make some bangin’ macaroons. #macaroons
  17. Go on some dates. (Maybe fall in love). I mean who doesn’t want to fall in love, right? I pretty much suck at being on okcupid. I’m going to try and make a better effort at that. I’ll stop not responding to messages that people send to me. At the very least, I’ll have some good tales to tell. #dating
  18. Audition for some plays. I still have grand dreams of playing Juliet someday. I know she’s 14 and I’m 29. Maybe I’ll play her in my retirement home (and Annie, too). I don’t EVER go on play auditions. That is just silly. #audition
  19. Keep my room clean. It’s just so much easier to throw my clothes on the floor when I’m done with them. #room
  20. Wash my face before bed every night. I have a nasty habit of going to bed with my makeup still on (uh… that is, when I actually PUT it on – see Item 11). This is so bad for my skin! And it ages me! And it irritates my eyeballs! Stop it right now! #face
  21. Learn to sew. I think I sort of have aspirations of someday being on Project Runway. That is obviously never going to happen. But I WOULD like to be able to hem my pants and do my own mending. (That makes me think of Little House on the Prairie. Maybe I should add “learn to churn butter” to this list?) My mom sewed her own wedding gown. Can you even?!? #sew
  22. Read one book per month. Don’t laugh at me. I know this is a pitifully low number. I just get so distracted! It’s hard for me to focus on reading when there is internet and TV and bars and coffee shops and sleeping. I’ve been reading Devil in the White City for an embarrassingly long amount of time. #books
  23. Be happy. Duh. #happy
  24. Organize my closets. Really, really organize. Donate, keep, mend, trash piles. Do the backwards hanger trick. Just do it. #closet

Here’s to a classy and fabulous me.