I was going to send a message along these lines:
Yes! I’d love to meet up. Here’s my phone number: 650.555.1234.
Looking forward to hearing from you!
As I contemplated my ability and courage to pull off such a stunt, I decided to peruse his OkC profile. Before I even had a chance to draft my response, I received the NEEDIEST OkCupid follow-up message.
G.R.I.T.S.: Hmm, you checked me out and didn’t respond. Por Que?
I just can’t deal with these needy OkCupid messages.
So I abandoned ship on my original scheme and went with a more straight-forward approach.
Me: Hi G.R.I.T.S.,
How closely did you look at my profile ;)?
I hope you’re doing well!
G.R.I.T.S.: I really just know that I’m not a scrub and that was your criteria as you began writing lyrics to the TLC song.
Hope you’re doing well also 😉 It’s almost Governor’s Ball so I’m happy.
ME: Well… I think the answer to the phone number question is: you already have (had?) it. 🙂
And then, as an addendum [because apparently he HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT] ME: How’s Hans?
G.R.I.T.S.: He is no-more, had to get rid of him because I moved into a high rise with three other people. It was a sad day indeed. Annnnnd “had” would be the proper tense on that one.
And [because I am MORBIDLY curious in these sorts of situations] ME: Well… Here you go: 650.555.1234
1. Who says “get rid of” in reference to their pet?! ‘Give him away’ would have been WAY more appropriate. That makes me cringe.
2. YOU GUYS. I WENT ON MULTIPLE DATES WITH THIS GUY. I’m not offended just fascinated! FASCINATED.
3. Also, playing dumb is a bad strategy (if that’s what he was doing). A better strategy (if he wanted to give this another chance OR not look like a person suffering from memory loss): Oh, shit. I didn’t even recognize you! You’ve gotten more beautiful in the last year. [Or something else totally kiss-ass-y that would have totally worked on me because I’m a SUCKER.]
4. I haven’t heard from him. Maybe when he attempted to put my phone number in his phone, he was confronted with our chat history and it all came back to him, like Celine Dion.