I received a message from a suitor whose profile waxed poetic about being a mama’s boy.
NotSubtle: I like short girls and you have amazing boobs. I’d love to meet you.
Me: Haha umm… thanks? Did your mother approve that message ;)?
NotSubtle: Well played. So where in NYC do you live, miss California?
Me: East Village. You?
NotSubtle: Upper west side. Perhaps one of us could make the cross-city trip to hang out one of these days.
Listen, NotSubtle. Thanks but no thanks. While I’m sure that you looked at my pictures before you read my profile, it’s sort of expected that you at least pretend that you are messaging me because I am so witty and intriguing and hilarious, and NOT just because you’re looking for a good tittyfuck.
Maybe it’s time for me to explore other avenues. There are tons of straight men taking sewing and cupcake decorating classes, right?