OkCupid: I’m a Hustler, Baby

On OkCupid, everyone is trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents [or $3 off of a free dating website as the case may be].

Scenario One: OkCupid Wants Your Money

OkCupid is free.

Unless.

Unless you want to be able to “browse anonymously while still seeing your visitors!” Then you gotta cough up the funds: three dollars per month. [I’m still not exactly sure how this works if BOTH involved parties are paying the three dollars. I think OkCupid is running a scam here.]

Anyway, there is no way OKC is collecting $3 from me, so I just browse openly. People can see when I view their profiles. I can see when they view mine. I don’t really care that much. [I could also browse anonymously for free, but then I couldn’t see any of my visitors… and what’s the fun in that?]

On Tuesday at 11:23 am, a gentleman from OkCupid sent me the following message.

OverEager: hey there would you like to chat and see where it goes from there ??

I was busy during the day. At approximately 9:05:30 pm, I finally arrived home, powered up the ol’ laptop, read OverEager’s message, and viewed his profile.

At 9:06 pm, while I was STILL BROWSING HIS PROFILE, I received the following message.

OverEager: Any interest ?

1. This is what I get for not paying the $3 per month. If I was browsing anonymously, he couldn’t have sent me a follow-up stalker message.

2. No, sir. Now that you’ve revealed yourself to be CRAZY, I have no interest.

3. What’s with the spaces before the final punctuation in your messages?

Scenario Two: People On OkCupid Want Your Money

I recently exchanged the following messages with a gentleman on OKC.

OKCEntrepreneur: Hey! So… Want to help me win twenty bucks? My buddy and I have a bet that you are actually a dude. 

Me: Haha WHAT?! I can assure you that I am most definitely a lady! What makes you say that?

OKCEntrepreneur: Damn. Well I lost… It’s cause no girl writes as little as you did on your profile. Barren profiles are a guy thing. 

Me: Yeah… I guess it is a little sparse. It probably needs some editing… especially now that people are accusing me of being a dude! [For the record, my profile is NOT that barren.]

OKCEntrepreneur: Well… We could meet up and I could give you some pointers. You could buy me an ice cream in exchange for my expertise. 

1. Huh?

2. No. Really. What?

3. I thought you were trying to find out if we might be a good match, but then maybe you were selling me online dating profile consulting services?

4. Dude. You are clearly strapped for cash. First you are making twenty dollar bets about gender, and then you’re trying to swindle me for free ice cream. Surely there are more lucrative and stable options available to you.

Maybe we just can’t help it. Pop culture taught us all to be hustlers from a very young age.

“I’ll trade you a pickle for a nickel!”

“How about two cents?”

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2 thoughts on “OkCupid: I’m a Hustler, Baby

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