Unbecoming

Dear Men,

Men. Men. Men.

Do you know what I would LOVE to talk about on our first date? That time you lost your phone in a cab. How close you are to your mom. Awkward OkCupid dates you’ve been on. What you ate for breakfast. The kind of dog you’d like to adopt from that shelter in Williamsburg. Your favorite bar in Tribeca. The crazy debaucherous shit that happened when you went to Greece (for free!) in the Fall. Your favorite websites. How it really bothers you when people eat their Dunkin’ Donuts bacon-egg-and-cheese-on-a-croissant on the subway in the morning. Your perfect Sunday. How badass you think Louis CK is. Why you think Newt Gingrich is a prick.

Honestly, pretty much ALL topics are open for discussion.

Do you know what topic I could do without? What a heinous bitch your ex-girlfriend was.

I’ve been thinking about it, and I have NEVER been on a date with someone who didn’t somehow casually slip into the conversation what a crazy/needy/amazing/awful person their ex-girlfriend was.

What is the purpose of that? Are you trying to prove to me how desirable you are? Listen. Two things:

1. If I’ve decided to go on a date with you, I’ve already put you in the “desirable” category for some reason or another.

2. At XX years old, I’m assuming that you do, in fact, have an ex-something-or-other. You don’t have to drop it into the conversation to prove to me that, at some point, someone found you desirable enough to keep around for an extended period of time.

Please. I beg of you. I promise not to talk about my period [or whatever makes you feel uncomfortable] if you promise not to bring up your ex-girlfriend. [Thinly veiled stories about a woman-friend with whom you had a falling out are not fooling me either.] If we make it to the point of actually dating, and I am feeling particularly self-destructive one day, I promise you I will ask about her.

Smooches,

Erin

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2 thoughts on “Unbecoming

  1. so reading this post i have to share with you my most recent match encounter (and by encounter i mean text only, it never got that far)…the guy was cute & very texty, which i like so was feeling good about the banter back and forth, then he mentioned his ex couldn’t dance, weird thing to bring up but i ignored it, later he brought her back up, but this time to say she was bad in bed! wtf??!!! what is wrong with this guy that you would say that to someone you don’t know??? ….i gave him the benefit of the doubt, but his weirdness didn’t stop there, he proceeded to ask me to be fb friends, i didnt want to yet, you know since i hadn’t met him, makes sense right? but he kept going on about it, apparently he had been burnt before, he met a girl who was overweight & not the girl in the picture (or maybe her at a lighter weight he didnt get specific), he was acting as if meeting a girl who was overweight scarred him for life (shallow dick)….anyhu, we stopped texting and a couple hours later he told me good look with my search, because i wouldn’t accept his friend request he decided we best both move on and kept saying ‘i wish you the best of luck’….he was so frustrated that i wouldn’t be his fb friend and even though the conversation had come to a stop he brought it back up again….what is wrong with (some) of these people????….oh yeah and the guy is 38 and he is wishing ME luck??!!

    btw love your blog gurl, i’m pretty much nodding my head and laughing in agreement to everything

    • Girl! First of all: thanks for reading!!

      Second: WHY ARE PEOPLE SO CRAZY?!! Like… where in someone’s mind do they take a wrong turn and think this sort of behavior is OK?! It’s like people get behind a computer/phone screen and have social-etiquette regression by 25 years!

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