Men. Men. Men.
Do you know what I would LOVE to talk about on our first date? That time you lost your phone in a cab. How close you are to your mom. Awkward OkCupid dates you’ve been on. What you ate for breakfast. The kind of dog you’d like to adopt from that shelter in Williamsburg. Your favorite bar in Tribeca. The crazy debaucherous shit that happened when you went to Greece (for free!) in the Fall. Your favorite websites. How it really bothers you when people eat their Dunkin’ Donuts bacon-egg-and-cheese-on-a-croissant on the subway in the morning. Your perfect Sunday. How badass you think Louis CK is. Why you think Newt Gingrich is a prick.
Honestly, pretty much ALL topics are open for discussion.
Do you know what topic I could do without? What a heinous bitch your ex-girlfriend was.
I’ve been thinking about it, and I have NEVER been on a date with someone who didn’t somehow casually slip into the conversation what a crazy/needy/amazing/awful person their ex-girlfriend was.
What is the purpose of that? Are you trying to prove to me how desirable you are? Listen. Two things:
1. If I’ve decided to go on a date with you, I’ve already put you in the “desirable” category for some reason or another.
2. At XX years old, I’m assuming that you do, in fact, have an ex-something-or-other. You don’t have to drop it into the conversation to prove to me that, at some point, someone found you desirable enough to keep around for an extended period of time.
Please. I beg of you. I promise not to talk about my period [or whatever makes you feel uncomfortable] if you promise not to bring up your ex-girlfriend. [Thinly veiled stories about a woman-friend with whom you had a falling out are not fooling me either.] If we make it to the point of actually dating, and I am feeling particularly self-destructive one day, I promise you I will ask about her.