OkCupid: I Know What A Prince And Lover Ought To Be

Dear Friends of the Interwebs,

I have a collection of mostly unrelated thoughts for you on Day 4 of OkCupid Week of Yes. 

1. Logistics: Logistics take awhile. I need UPS to come and run my calendar for me, since they claim to love them so much. Anyway, there are dates in the works, but nothing is finalized yet.

One Suitor suggested that we meet at 11 on Saturday. Does he mean am or pm?! I need to text him back for clarification. Those are two VERY different dates, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, because these logistics take awhile to maneuver, I think we’re going to make this OkCupid Month of Yes. Oh, joy. 

2. Cold Feet: Another Suitor, while we were trying to navigate said logistics issue, messaged me (around 1 pm) – “…unless you’re free tonight, cause I am!”

What was my initial reaction? “AAAHHHH!!! NO!!!!! I can’t POSSIBLY be ready tonight!” 

The truth is, friends of the Information Super Highway, I sort of have cold feet about this whole situation. I’m tentative about actually meeting these people. What if they think I look like Quasimodo? What if I’m not attracted to them? What if we have nothing to talk about? What if, in the middle of our date, they take me out into the back alley and stab me? What if it’s someone that I know just trying to fuck with me by creating a fake profile? [I clearly followed the Manti Teo story too closely.] What if they expect me to just sleep with them on our first date? What if, what if, what if… I have a lot of anxiety. 

3. Pictures: Honestly, people of OKC, what is with the grainy pictures? It’s 2013. There is no need for a grainy picture because I KNOW that you didn’t scan your pictures onto your computer. And if you DID, then those pictures are from 2003 and you don’t look anything like that anymore. Get your grainy-ass pictures off of this site, take a selfie (not in the mirror) on your iPhone, and upload that ish so I can see what you actually look like. Fair is fair. 

In addition, I don’t need you to upload a topless picture of yourself. Post a full body pic in a well-fitted t-shirt and I’ll get the gist of it. There’s something to be said for subtlety (says the girl who is sharing her life with the internet). 

4. Messages: Ya’ll. What is with this message? 

You understand how to be sexy. I am sure there is much more about you but that can only be known with deeper longer communication. 
I bet boys enjoy pulling you around the city in short sun dresses during the summer. 
I don’t want to wait until the summer.

I just… what?

5. Google: This is just too easy. I’ve already located two front runners via the Google, because I am a master of the Google. I wish this was a more challenging game for me. 

6. Two Princes: I recently went to Karaoke and found out that
a. The title of that song is “Two Princes,” and
b. The lyrics are “I know what a prince and lover ought to be.” 

Just muddle that ridiculousness over for a little while. 


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