OkCupid: Profile and Message Writing 101

In Wonderful Town, Ruth sings a tongue-in-cheek song entitled “One Hundred Easy Ways (To Lose A Man)”. She describes all of the ridiculous things a modern lady could do to scare off a suitor (competency at car mechanics, knowledge of baseball, and grammar corrections are among the top offenses to lead one straight to spinster-hood).

In 2013, it appears that the gentlemen of OkCupid feel they deserve a response to this Comden and Green classic. They have conpsired to provide fodder for “One Hundred Easy Ways (To Not Get A Response To Your OkCupid Message)”

Below, I present to you some gems, collected by a friend.

My Self-Summary:

Controlling ***hole seeks entitled b*tch. Iā€™m open to a mutually unsatisfying and destructive fling, but am still hoping for a soul-crushing long-term descent into Hell šŸ˜‰

My Self-Summary:

If you’re looking at my profile, you’ve set your sights too low – which means you’re my kind of woman šŸ˜‰

Message:

You are so classy elegant regal and crazy sexy irresistible all at the same time. I know this is different but I have found myself having feelings about being the slave of someone irresistible as you are. There would be limits and boundaries but could we talk about the possibilities and details. Again I know this is different but I am a trustworthy guy and I am looking to find someone I can trust with this.

At the very least, they’ve provided some entertainment, so… um… kudos to them?

OkCupid: 902384093. Women: 0.

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