You Must Take the A [well, actually the N] Train

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[Scene: On a Queens bound subway platform, 3:00 am.]

[Time: In the not so distant past]

 

Gentleman: Excuse me, do you know if this train goes to Queens?

Me: Yes.

Gentleman: Oh, ok. Thanks. I’m on my way to visit my mom. She lives there.

Pause.

Two things.

1. If your mom lives in Queens, how do you not know how to get there?

2. Why are you visiting your mom at 3:00 in the morning?

 Play.

[A train arrives.]

Gentleman: Do you mind if I ride with you?

Me: Uhh…

[The “Gentleman” takes this as a “yes”.]

Gentleman: So do you have a boyfriend?

Me: Yes. [Lies, obviously I do not.]

Gentleman: How long have you been dating?

Me: Two years.

Gentleman: That’s not that long. [Really?] Do you love him?

Me: Yes.

Gentleman: What’s he like?

Me: Uhhh… Huh?

Gentleman: I’m just, ya’ know, wondering what I can do to bag a girl like you.

Me: Uhh… [eliminating the term “bag a girl” from your vocabulary might be a good start.]

Gentleman: So can I get your number?

Me: Um, remember how I have a boyfriend?

The doors of the train open at 5th Avenue/59th Street and The “Gentleman” gets off. I thought he was going to see his mom in Queens? Weird…

[Two weeks later. Same exact location on same exact Queens bound subway platform.]

I hear someone approach me from behind, “Excuse me, does this train go to Queens?”

I turn around and it is The “Gentleman”. He sees my face, does a 180, and books it in the other direction.

Who knew that feigned subway map ignorance could be such an effective [ahem] pick-up method?

Image from: zero per zero via treehugger
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