Damn U R Hawt!

When I created my OkCupid profile, I wanted to make sure I got the most out of my experience. I knew that OKC was going to send me Quiver Matches and suggested matches everyday. I wanted to make sure that I didn’t do anything to limit my options through these channels. At the very end of profile completion, the questionnaire asks what you are looking for. The options are:

-Short term dating
-Long term dating
-New friends
-Activity partners
-Long-distance pen-pals
-Casual sex

I checked all of the options.

What if my SOULMATE said that he was ONLY interested in long-distance pen-pals (really, OKC? REALLY?!), and by NOT checking “long-distance pen-pals”, I would not be sent to him as a Quiver Match, and he would never discover me on OkCupid and we would never meet and I would die an old maid.

Seriously.

That is how my mind functions.

What I DIDN’T realize [because I was totally new to the site] is that these choices show up at the bottom of your profile. It has nothing to do with your Quiver Matches or suggested matches or the Old Maid scenario that I had envisioned in its entirety.

So I immediately received this message [I’ve included it totally unedited for your reading pleasure]:


Hey there! I won’t take up much of your time and I hope this message finds you well. You have probably been hit with one liners that says…”hey sexy”, “Sup baby!!” or “damn u r hawt”. That’s not going to happen here. I wanted to be original and be the first to try something new from the normal and yet annoying messages you probably receive on a regular basis. I wanted to write you an appropriate message and hope you appreciate it! I looked through your profile and it has piqued my interest and I’d like to know more about you.

I too am an actor! Do you have an agent? You seem like someone I’d love to just shoot the shit with and just have the most craziest conversations with!

Now for the moment of truth part of this message. I do have to be honest with you on 2 things:
1) The fact that you reply “selectively” made me even more apprehensive in messaging you. So I’m not expecting you to reply back to me. Maybe you will surprise me.
2) I would like to have ongoing casual sex with you. I see you want that too. However, I don’t JUST want sex tho. I’d like to hang and chill out with you also.

I hope this message at least put a smile on your face and I didn’t offend you. If you are interested and are serious about it, let’s see where it goes. Hope to hear back from you. Have a good one.

PS: I have a thing for short white women 🙂


Ok.

1. It’s true, sir. You are right. I do get a lot of messages that just say “sup baby.” You win a point here. [Which, by the way, is the reason why I reply “selectively.” I mean, “replies selectively” doesn’t take into account the QUALITY of the messages that I am receiving.]

2. Wait. You haven’t met me and your first message to me propositions me with “ongoing casual sex” yet you preface this by saying “I wanted to write you an appropriate message…”? What?!? I mean, let’s call a spade a spade. I DID say [accidentally, as it were, but you don’t know that] that I was “looking” for casual sex. Just say “wanna fuck?” and don’t try to act like it’s appropriate because you are long-winded in doing so.

3. I immediately changed what I was looking for. Lesson learned. Currently looking for: long-term dating, short-term dating, new friends.

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